hotel room ftw
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
