Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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