You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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