Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Please don't give away my fajitas
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
