i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
