She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
