I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
