If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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