I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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