Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
