You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
only you would photoshop your dick
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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