forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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