Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
