Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
