He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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