Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Verdict: uncircumcised.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
