I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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