My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
