well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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