I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I met the friendliest cop last night
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
