I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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