they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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