that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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