I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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