The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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