Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Can I color on your dick again?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
