No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
