when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
