lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Who died my cat blue again?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
