Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
