literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
