Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
