i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
