apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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