Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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