she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
