Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
