Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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