Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
