my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
