Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize