There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
