Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
