apparently the secret to your success is patron
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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