I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize