Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize