Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
