I just saw a hot homeless man
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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