Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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