You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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