Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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