Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
