why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
