1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
