i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
