The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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