I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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