we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
