why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
