I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
