pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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