i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
