We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
