his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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