Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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