i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
