I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
