did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have feelings that need drinking.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
