Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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