the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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