I like to think it a success when the cops are called
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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