I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize