come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
