Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
