I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
