So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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