So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
