You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
