then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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