dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
