hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think your dad took our porno
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
